


The List

by sholeens



Series: The List [1]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reason Why TV, Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Character Development, Gen, Relationship Development, moving forward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 12:10:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11357226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sholeens/pseuds/sholeens
Summary: The sun has finally started to shine again and the numbness is fading. Clay has decided to move forward. His only plan is most likely boring, stupidly simple and probably not doing to work plan but it's his start.





	The List

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at placing any of my work out anywhere. So PLEASE be nice. If it sucks and you are going to comment that it does, that's OK, but at least give me feedback that I actually work with so that I can improve. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read :)

Sun feels good on my skin was the first thought that crossed his mind this morning. The second thought to occur to him was that this was his first time in a long while waking up without being numb. Unfortunately, that thought came with the realisation as to why that was the case. Jeff. Hanna. Alex. 

How could he move forward if those who plagued his mind were not around to do the same? Jeff wasn’t there to tease him about being socially awkward. He won’t be able to tell Alex he was right about choosing to be angry at Jeff’s death. He won’t ever be able to apologise to a girl that meant the world to him.  
But maybe today can be different. It started differently. Maybe it’s time to move from surviving to living. Getting out of bed and beginning to prepare for the day was a surreal feeling. What can he do to move forward? 

Something! Anything! What would Jeff and Hanna do if they came back for one day?

He froze overwhelmed with new found inspiration and a slew of ideas that had him rocking on his feet. Swiftly moving back towards his desk and unceremoniously making his chair groan under the rough landing. The noise was an afterthought, grabbing pen and paper were what he needed. 

5 minutes! That’s all it took for him to write down his new plan. It certainly won’t be as easy as it appears on paper but it’s something. It’s a beginning. That’s all he needs.

“Hey, son it’s time to start getting ready.” Peering into his room was his dad with a frown on his face staring at the empty bed. 

With a small, sad smile on his face, Clay looked at his father wondering if he would be able to earn their trust again. They, his parents, were a weird combination of disappointed, furious and surprising understanding and proud when the tapes came out. They understood what he went through and his strange behaviour but they couldn’t understand why he didn’t ask for their help. It would have made everything so much easier but they came to realise they were expecting too much from kids who were only just learning about the consequence of their actions. 

Clay’s mum is one of the few privileged to listen to tape 14 due to legal reasons; she had come to pick up Clay from school early that day after listening to the tapes. When the two of them made it into the house his mum had turned into a boa constrictor he decided as she held him. Clay immediately knew it must have to do with the tapes. He had managed to lead them to the living-room couch when his dad came bustling in and joined his wife in crushing him. Ten minutes late his dad had managed to get his mum to ease off a little. She was in the kitchen making them hot chocolate like she did when he was younger and had been hurt or sick. Which he supposes, he was both in this case. It was his dad that confirmed they knew about the tapes. All 14! Lainie had called him and told him all about the tapes and Clay play vigilante. They were proud of Clay trying to do the right thing, even if he went about it the wrong way. He was grounded for a month. The reason cited was “Delusions of Comic book Vigilante”. The punishment was meant to remind him that he was still, in fact, a minor, still in school, with parents who love him and whose job it was to do the protecting. Looking back on that day he knows he will never forget it. He knows he is loved. 

Clay’s smile became a little brighter thinking about that day. He spoke out softly but it seemed to fill out the whole room, “Hey, Dad.”

The creak in Matt Jensen’s neck from turn his head so quickly made them both flinch. “Arhhh… This is a surprise up before your human alarm clocks. Doing some last minute homework?” he asked while slowly rotating his neck, side glancing at Clay. 

“No, actually. I thought I would get a jump start on a new project,” he replied while bringing his hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “If you like I could get back in bed so that you won’t be out of a purpose, ’Human alarm clock’.” Clay continued with air quotes. 

“Very funny smart Alec. Just finish up and get down for breakfast. I would hate to have to eat your share of pancakes this morning.” His dad called out as he walked away. Clay could hear the underlying smile in his dad’s voice. 

Before continuing to get ready he ripped his to-do list out of his journal and pocketing it. That simple piece of paper felt like the first rung on way to the top of world’s tallest slide. As he stared up he couldn’t see where the top was but he had faith that the view from the top would be worth it.

A few minutes later Clay found himself sitting at the kitchen table eating scrambled eggs and pancakes with his dad to his right and mum making his lunch. It was peaceful. Halfway through him eating his mum sat this lunch next to him. He simply looked up and smiled at her. It seemed to shock her as his disappearance from his bed shocked his dad. They must have been very worried about me he thought. 

“Thank you for breakfast and lunch. See you later,” he said reaching for his lunch and bag at his feet. While he packed his bag he was greeted with an “Enjoy your day, son” from his dad and a “Wear your helmet and be careful,” from his mum. It was simple and easy to do the little they ask. It’s ok to have a little helmet hair; he knows that someone once thought it looked cute on him. The pang in his chest was still there with that thought and it might never leave but he refused to stay stuck. 

Clay’s hand hesitant on the handle of the front door. He might as well start on his list now, right? Quickly moving back to the kitchen, he stood straight with his hands holding on to his backpack straps he called out, “Mum. Dad. I love you, you know that right. Well if you don’t. I’m telling you now. I love you.” He took in a deep breath after saying that and smile at his once again surprised parents. Clay like the feeling so before leaving the kitchen he gave one last quip, “You know this is usually the part where parents say “they love you back.” He turned to walk away but was caught in this mother’s hug and she tells him that she loves him before letting go. His dad sat at the table, a smile on his face and with a slightly hoarse voice saying he loves him as well. He leaves after that feeling just that little bit lighter. 

Standing on the porch he pulls out his list and ticks of the first one. He doesn’t know if Jeff told his parents he loved them before he left that tragic night but he knows come what may in the future this won’t be one of his regrets.


End file.
